It seems that four very low-handicapped players were playing their normal course. Unusually, the play was very slow and the players began to get frustrated. By the tenth hole, they began firing their tee shots at the foursome ahead of them, who were constantly in the woods and were the root cause of the slow play.
Finally, the good foursome finished their round, coming in just under eight hours. After spotting the slow group in the clubhouse, they went right after them, swearing their asses off. The club pro saw this spectacle and pulled aside the guys. He said: "Didn't you know that the foursome ahead of you are all blind; they're taking part in a special event."
After hearing this, the foursome immediately reconsidered. The first one said, "Just to show how sorry I am, I'll pay for their green fees." The second replied, "And I'll pay for their carts." Predictably, the third member said, "Whatever food and drinks they want, I'll pay for them." The club pro considered their acts very gracious and, turning to the fourth member, said: "And what are you going to do for them?"
The golfer, still noticeably upset, retorted, "To hell with them, they could have played last night!"
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Ladies Tee
A chap turns up at the golf course to have a knock round on his own. Gets to the tee and starts warming up and gets to the first tee. A few minutes later he hears an announcement from the clubhouse "would the gentleman on the ladies tee please relocate to the gentleman's tee".
He looks round and carries on.
Another announcement comes from the clubhouse "would the gentleman on the ladies tee please relocate to the gentleman's tee." He looks round again but carries on.
This leads to another announcement "would the gentleman on the ladies tee PLEASE relocate to the gentleman's tee URGENTLY."
Upon hearing this he turns round and shouts back "would the jerk in the clubhouse shut up and let me play my second shot!"
He looks round and carries on.
Another announcement comes from the clubhouse "would the gentleman on the ladies tee please relocate to the gentleman's tee." He looks round again but carries on.
This leads to another announcement "would the gentleman on the ladies tee PLEASE relocate to the gentleman's tee URGENTLY."
Upon hearing this he turns round and shouts back "would the jerk in the clubhouse shut up and let me play my second shot!"
The Minister
The minister drove into a sand trap. He picked up his golf club and broke it but didn't say a word. Then he picked up the golf bag and tore it to shreds but didn't say a word. Then he took out all the golf balls and flung them into the woods but did not say one word. Finally, he muttered, "I'm gonna have to give it up."
"Golf?" asked the caddie.
"No," he replied. "The ministry."
"Golf?" asked the caddie.
"No," he replied. "The ministry."
Island Golf
A guy's boat capsizes and he swims ashore to a desert island. On the beach lies a beautiful woman - her ample bust falling out of a tight wetsuit. She tells him that she'll grant him any wish that he'd like.
"I'd kill for a cigar!", he says.
She zips down the top of the wetsuit a little, reaches into her bosom and fishes out a Cuban. He enjoys it thoroughly.
"Anything else?" she says.
"A cold beer would be awesome," he says.
She zips the top down a little further, reaches in and comes up with a cold bottle of beer. He's relaxing with his beer and his cigar when she says to him, "Would you like to play around?"
He looks at her excitedly and blurts out, "You have a set of clubs in there, too?"
"I'd kill for a cigar!", he says.
She zips down the top of the wetsuit a little, reaches into her bosom and fishes out a Cuban. He enjoys it thoroughly.
"Anything else?" she says.
"A cold beer would be awesome," he says.
She zips the top down a little further, reaches in and comes up with a cold bottle of beer. He's relaxing with his beer and his cigar when she says to him, "Would you like to play around?"
He looks at her excitedly and blurts out, "You have a set of clubs in there, too?"
Golf with Wives
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee; and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's $50 - go and and buy yourself some underwear."
Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's $20, go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scottsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scottsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency here's a comb, tidy yurself.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's $50 - go and and buy yourself some underwear."
Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's $20, go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scottsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scottsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency here's a comb, tidy yurself.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Heart Attack on the Golf Course
A guy comes home to his wife after being gone all day.
Wife: What the heck happened to you? You've been gone all day?
Husband: Well the front nine was okay but the back nine was awful. Bob had a heart attack on the 10th green!
Wife: Oh my god! So you were at the hospital?
Husband: No, it took us four more hours to finish... hit the ball, drag bob...
Wife: What the heck happened to you? You've been gone all day?
Husband: Well the front nine was okay but the back nine was awful. Bob had a heart attack on the 10th green!
Wife: Oh my god! So you were at the hospital?
Husband: No, it took us four more hours to finish... hit the ball, drag bob...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
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